Thinking and Being (A Short Poem)

Not only can I not think straight, I can’t think curled, jagged or horizontally.

I can’t think long enough to make sense of what i’m thinking and i can’t think hard enough to make sense of why i’m even thinking it in the first place.

My head is just a whirlpool that resists both stagnation and motion.

When I feel too comfortable, I can’t breath.

When it’s not comfortable enough, I can’t breath.

When I want to stop thinking, I can’t stop and even when i do, i’m thinking about how soon it will re-start.

I seek clarity everywhere and nowhere.

I find clarity everywhere and nowhere.

I don’t like the fact i’m being constructed while i’m still making sense of it all.

I cannot understand something that hasn’t even taken its form yet.

But, If i don’t try to understand my being, i feel as though i’m withering.

I’m caught between trying to understand my thoughts while they are still processing and losing all of myself by not thinking at all.

If I stand still long enough, it starts to make sense.

But, then it almost feels too easy to be true and i go back to doubting my sanity again.

If i don’t stand still; i’m fleeting and fragmented.

I want to feel whole without feeling empty. And i don’t want to feel empty as long as I am not whole because I have no clue as to how long it will take me to feel whole, or if it ever will happen.

Being is exhausting and exhilarating.

I want to think and not think at the same time.

My thoughts are everything and nothing.

I want to be, but just the process of being makes it harder to be.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Valerie says:

    This is the realest thing ive ever read

  2. mars35 says:

    You have a vibrant, potent, beautiful mind.

  3. I read this three times, and enjoyed it more each time.

  4. Daniel Clarke says:

    You are an extremely talented Lady. Your mind is that of someone far older, and your talent even more so. Eventually I will read everything that you have written so far, and look forward to reading your pearls of wisdom for years to come.

  5. David Clasky says:

    That was a beautiful poem. And I have enjoyed your blog posts that I read.
    Thank you for taking the risk and sharing your thoughts and wisdom. Keep going please, the world needs you.

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