“Most confident, successful men are inspired by ambitious women and actually seek them out. These enlightened men understand that their own interests are often advanced by the energy, drive, compassion and style of a strong woman” – Melody Hobson.
I stumbled upon a quote “Strong women intimidate boys and excite men” and it got me to thinking about the force of women who know their power. It is unbelievably easy to be insecure in our society. There are messages everywhere telling women that they are not enough. That their value lies in their ability to seduce men. That they are too opinionated. Too intense. Too loud. And quite frankly, a little bit scary. The list goes on.
Women all over the world are targeted with campaigns geared at lowering their self-esteem. In 2016 there are still governments (even in the free world) with their hands in women’s ovaries. Not to mention the propaganda surrounding getting married, producing babies, remaining skinny, appearing young and being an all-round damsel in distress who is waiting for her prince to pick her up. There is so much influence on the idea of what it means to be a “woman” it is no surprise then that women today are confused about their own power.
There is a popular idiom that goes “behind every strong man is a strong woman”. Fuck that. Strong women don’t need men and that’s what’s scary about them. If a woman is sure of her own value and does not live to satisfy male opinions she can be intimidating to those who cannot handle her power.
Narcissistic personality disorder is more common in men than we realise. Are you shocked to hear that up to 75% of narcissists are men? (Reported by DSM-IV-TR). Narcissistic personality disorder creates a huge sense of self-importance in someone who requires excessive admiration. It makes them obsessed with fantasies of unlimited power, brilliance and it makes them entitled, interpersonally exploitative and unwilling to show empathy or recognise and identify with the feelings and needs of others.
Women’s intuition is famously strong and this gives them empathy. A narcissist has no capacity for empathy. Bell Hooks is a harsh critic of our culture of narcissism and writes “We yearn to end lovelessness that is so pervasive in our society”. Robert Sternberg supports “If I were asked the single most frequent cause of the destruction of relationships I would say it is selfishness. We live in an age of narcissism and many people have never learned how to listen to the needs of others”. In a society where her power is viewed as threatening, a strong woman is bound to struggle amidst a culture of narcissism.
How many of us are in a relationship with a pathological narcissist who justifies any action that enables the satisfying of his desires? 1 in 3 women are abused worldwide. This is a horrible statistic. Could it be that it is the huge number of narcissistic men out there that are unleashing danger and running amok in our world? It’s not that the world that is not ready for strong women. It’s that narcissistic men are fucking everywhere and they are destroying us.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist, or even having a narcissist as a father or a brother means that above many things he will abuse you (verbally and/or physically) but above all else, it means that you will constantly have to give your power away to him. A narcissistic man will not rest until he makes a woman subservient and secondary to him because he is god of god’s in his own delusional mind.
If a narcissistic man’s sense of self is the most important thing in the world to him then it doesn’t seem implausible that he would also be a sexist, misogynist who desires to control women. Hooks writes “Materialism creates a culture of narcissism in which the focus of life is solely on acquisition and consumption. A culture of narcissism is not a place where love can flourish”. True love flourishes out of understanding, care, affection, trust and commitment. All these things a pathalogical narcissist is incapable of.
Indeed, we fail at romantic love when we have not learned the art of loving and there are too many women out there today who are in abusive relationships with narcissists and they don’t even know it.
The kind of man that a strong woman wants to attract is someone who is excited by her power. An emotionally developed man will not be intimidated by strength. No. No. He rejoices in feminine power. When you liberate yourself from your own fears your presence automatically liberates others. When you let your own light shine you unconsciously give permission to others to do the same. Some people might be intimidated and scared by women’s strength, but the world needs more strong women.
The fire coming from a woman who knows her own value is one that radiates through centuries. She can separate oceans. She can cure herself. She empathises with others. She loves selflessly. She nurtures. She cares. Ultimately, she is free. And that is why she is frightening.